Nektek

For You

Where did we all go? I mean, we are here. Aren’t we? We put one foot in front of the other, marching aimlessly ahead. Our bodies take us forward. But what about us? Where are we? We are on the outside looking in. We look apologetically down at ourselves through the mist and wait for that precious moment when we can finally reunite with our own bodies.

We are all smiling in that picture. Not like now. Honestly, carelessly. There’s nothing behind that smile. It’s just that: a smile. It isn’t like the smiles we smile today. Now, even though we smile, the wrinkles in the corners of our mouths hide a glint of sadness.

Back then everything was simple. One of us gently pulls closer to the other. We accept each other’s embrace and reciprocate it gladly. We love each other, it’s that simple. This love, just like those carefree smiles, hangs in the air above us all. It doesn’t need an explanation. It doesn’t need to be demanded. It’s all in the picture.

All five faces radiate the potential of endless possibilities. We didn’t know what life held for us but we also didn’t bother caring. We were sure it would be something amazing. And even if it wasn’t, we were sure we would have each other.

But we still disappeared. We have disappeared a little from each other’s lives and have forgotten how to be our laid back, easy-going selves. It’s just how it goes. I’m sure if I asked an older, more experienced person, they would say this is normal. This is how life is. And it’s true. We all have our lives now, somewhat isolated from the others. We live in five different bubbles that all contain difficulties, pain and happiness. Sometimes they touch and meet. Those times, it feels like nothing has changed at all. Pain dissipates, difficulties seem less heavy then.

I remember it was after one of us’s birthday party. If I look close enough, I can see how tired we are from the night before. But that tiredness is sweet. It’s the kind that a good night’s sleep can easily fix. Nowadays, even tiredness is different. The daily grind takes it all out of us. I don’t think even a month of sleep could fix the accumulated fatigue. 

Has it always been like this? How did our parents find the strength to cheerfully go on? Or did they just learn to wear a mask? Should we be doing the same?

I don’t know where the answers lie, and where we are. We don’t have time for each other. The pain we had to suffer and go through still affects our relationships. We don’t dare be open with one another. We are scared to talk about what hurts. After all, we are all full of hurt, how could we dump more of it on the other? How could we pain each other more by saying: I am hurting with you.

But we are friends. We never meant to hurt each other and we all know this. That pure love still hangs in the air. It surrounds us. Always. We just have to take the time to notice it. We just have to reach for it. To reach for each other’s hands. After all, we are still here.

If you liked this post and would like to read more, check out some of my other posts, Roots for example.

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